Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Make America Great Britain Again

Pursuant to considerable surfing of the Internet, Her Majesty's Government have obtained irrefutable proof that egregiously illegal procedures were employed by forces disloyal to the Crown at the Battle of Yorktown (1781). Overwhelming evidence from historians, bloggers, and trolls, proves beyond reasonable doubt that thousands of alien (primarily French) soldiers were imported thereto with the express purpose of deceitfully undermining British chances of victory. Said troops were also deployed in unconventional, unexpected, inappropriate, and disturbingly sneaky ways. Moreover, recently leaked documents reveal that Crooked George Washington accepted millions of pounds sterling from dubious self-interested foreign sources, monies which the Corrupt Continental Congress  thereupon wantonly dissipated in order to secure unfair advantages in weaponry and tactical materiel. Inasmuch, therefore, as this conspiracy nefariously and undeniably "rigged" the battle in favour of the Criminal Colonials, HM Government hereby revoke all writs and articles of surrender and declare the previously-accepted outcome of the "American Revolution" null and void. Consequently, all rebellious colonies (except South Carolina, which HM Government deem too fractious to be governed by any established authority) are ordered to submit without resistance or dispute to any duly credentialed representative of the Crown, in the event that any such personage should eventually appear.

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