We are told that "laughter is the best medicine." But is it? Queen Victoria was famously "not amused," and she reigned 63 years and lived to be 81. Not bad for solemn political correctness, stiff upper lips and all that. Moreover, Victoria was pretty much Queen of the Whole World, wasn't she? and, to top it all off, Her Dour Majesty presided over an empire in which (reputedly according to the Queen herself), lesbianism didn't even exist!
I suppose, for "certain" queens, that's about as good as it gets.
But I'm such a rebel. I just can't imagine a world without lesbians. I need Rachel Maddow, and on a regular basis. I need Lily Tomlin and Gertrude Stein and Virginia Woolf and Ellen DeGeneres. Why? Well, mostly because they make me laugh, yes--even Virginia Woolf with Orlando and her one-armed billboard hanger in To the Lighthouse.
Oddly, I have a reputation for being just about as mean and sour as the Old Queen herself when protocol demanded that she speak to Gladstone. Students used to ask me why I never smiled. School secretaries used to ask my friends why "Ken was so mad." Well, shoot. I can't help it that my facial muscles have always drooped. And the truth is, I really do love to laugh.
But my critics were right about one thing: I'm mean. I just can't resist laughing at other people. In fact, I have indeed laughed my ass off--I simply have no butt left, though, at one time I had a pretty good one--and most of that laughing has been at the expense of the various idiots with whom, alas, I must live out my life.
Public figures, like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann and Glenn Beck, of course--but most especially a whole host of silly ninnies who have served as co-workers, bosses, students, parents of students, clergymen, teachers, waiters in restaurants and, let us not forget, customer service representatives.
I think it was Baudelaire who remarked that laughter is "satanic." Haha. So, I made fun of you. Tough titty. Unlike Victoria, I AM amused. And BTW, the devil made me do it.