Could We Please End the Civil War?

Undoubtedly because of my intellectual somnolence, it has only recently dawned on me (and, I suspect, a great many white Americans living in the North) that an entire pantheon of Confederate “saints” has long been honored and venerated by the very Union they fought to destroy. I do not believe in censorship, but I DO believe in censURE. And now that I know who Bragg, Benning, and Hood WERE, now that I’ve actually paid notice to those dreary racist icons in Statuary Hall, I certainly want to censURE the less-than-subtle, dog-whistling message this public canonization/idolatry sends to American citizens. 

When decoded, here’s the real message: “Never mind our official doctrine of E Pluribus Unum, racial equality, justice for all, etc., etc. All that is cosmetic—to make folks feel good and keep them calm. In actual fact, there are lots of ‘good’ racists and traitors who deserve to be included in our list of national saints and venerated in our national holy places. We need to be fair. C’mon.”

It’s as if the Vatican had erected statues of demons and devils in St. Peter’s Basilica—right there next to Jesus and Mary and Joseph. As if various supposedly Christian sites had been named Mephistopheles Seminary, Beelzebub Academy, Lucifer Meditation Center, Antichrist Chapel. 

Surely that heretical message should be promptly brought into line with  orthodox doctrine by purging our revered places of racist/secessionist taint.The Capitol should be cleansed, the confederate statues removed to a museum, the confederate names effaced from military sites. Total decontamination is imperative. And now!

Dear Lost Cause Folks: by all means, excercise (if you must) your First Amendment right to discuss, praise, worship, erect altars to these “saints”—who betrayed their oaths to the Constitution just as surely as Judas kissed Jesus. But do this in appropriate, non-official, non-consecrated places—museums, talk radio, a soapbox in the park, your own back yard or a cemetery plot you purchased. Just NOT, please, in the Capitol—our nation’s equivalent of St. Peter’s Basilica—or in military establishments dedicated to preserving that nation. 

Could we please end the Civil War! Now!