I Can't Bare It Any Longer

Yesterday I bought some new pajamas.

FYI, pajamas are now called "sleep bottoms" and "sleep tops" by all the trendy fashionista salesladies at Target.

I bought only the bottoms, because that's the part of me that I can no longer bare in bed, let alone while making toast in the morning.

I used to be able to bare things better.

But those things are no longer bareable. Not at all.

Alas, my new jammies are hot and twisty and bindy and, pour comble de misère, ugly. I told the lady that I was too old for the Spiderman design, but she persuaded me that classic cars were "ageless." Maybe. But they are almost as dreary as my unbareable bottom.

Why do they say "age before beauty"? It's really beauty before age, isn't it? Until, finally, you can't bare it any longer?

And you have to cover it with tiny, dreary, blue Studebakers.

Didn't Studebaker go out of business?

I suppose that's next.