Communists!

There are communists everywhere, especially in Congress.  Some of these commies are also nazis, but most are even worse than nazis because they advocate socialized medicine and high-speed trains.  Communists also support such evils as same-sex marriage, stimulus spending, wind energy and teaching evolution in schools.  Nancy Pelosi is the head of these communists.  She has had a face lift and a breast augmentation, neither of which is authorized in Leviticus.

Women should not be allowed to vote.  Extending the franchise to females was a communist plot of the worst kind, since it encouraged women (Nancy Pelosi) to run around with butcher knives cutting off their husbands' penises.  Men without penises cannot properly run the world and, if their balls are also missing, they just get fat and become rotten bowlers.

Obesity is another problem brought on by communism.  Communist overspending in Washington has funded programs like school hot lunches and food stamps for welfare queens, and these programs, in turn, have provided food for people who don't deserve to eat.  If there were less free communist food, poor people would be emaciated, not overweight.  This would ensure a much lower nationwide average in the obesity statistics and once again, the USA would be number one!

The thing about communists is this:  they want to DO stuff.  Well, doing stuff has never worked and it never will.  Look at Hitler.  He tried to do things and he got shot down by the USA.  Also, those commies in China, they're poisoning our food supply and making women abort all but one baby.  Abortion is against God's laws and against nature.  Killing should be either holy, as in ritual sacrifice (Jesus, underwear bombers) or natural (starvation, war, vigilantism).  Usually, it should be done with a gun, since guns are both holy and natural.

And that's another thing.  The commies in Congress (and in Europe and other socialist places like Iceland and Canada) want to take away our guns.  Pelosi's goons are already scheming with Obama (who was born in Communist East Africa where even the Mau Mau couldn't acquire adequate firearms) to figure out a way to round up all the guns in America and dump them in the deepest cracks of the Marianas Trench.  We must not allow this to happen, people!  It's so obvious: if we lose our right to kill, we lose our right to live.  And also our freedom to choose deep dish or thin crust extra crispy.

So I beg you: stop the communists now!  If we don't act to take back our country, pretty soon we'll be forced to marry our same-sex cousins and have breast augmentation surgery besides.  Shoot to kill and take no prisoners!  Sic semper tyrannis (or whatever).