Shanghaied!

Kathleen Parker and others of her journalistic tribe are simply furious that President Obama hasn't had the, er, "audacity" to join the hallelujah chorus of red-blooded patriots who regularly and reverently recite their Credo that the United States is qualitatively "exceptional" among nations.

You know:  the notion that we're just better.  Our institutions are better; our traditions are better; our values are better and, moreover, our shit don't stink.

So the rules that apply to other nations don't apply to US.

Other nations may do evil things.  But not US.

Other nations may be surpassed.  But not US.

Other nations may decline and fall.  But not US.  

We are special--having, after all, been founded by GOD Himself.  We are number ONE and we always WILL BE NUMBER ONE.  In everything.  So get used to it.

And Mr. President, you had better start memorizing this Credo and reciting it regularly.  Or else, you go bye bye in 2012, and you'll have to live out your retirement in one of those nasty socialist, communist, fascist, atheistic countries that ARE subject to the forces of history.  So what if they have fast trains.

Shoot, Barry, just take a look around.  Anyone can see how exceptional we are.  The evidence is everywhere.

Number 1:  we are the only developed country (if we exclude South Africa) to persevere nobly in guaranteeing its citizens the priceless freedom of having no universal medical insurance.

Number 2:  we own more guns and firearms than any other people anywhere--so we are certainly exceptionally well-protected.  And we can reload mighty fast.  

Number 3:  among all the developed countries, we have the greatest number of God-fearing, church-going, born-again Christians who stand up, stand up for Jesus in defiance of scientists, evolutionists, humanists, common sense and documentary evidence.

Number 4:  we may not be very good at math or history, but by golly, we know the Bible, especially Leviticus.

Number 5:  we have the greatest disparity between the rich and the poor of any developed country (and the Census Bureau says the gap is growing impressively) .  Our very rich are just really, really, really rich.  Heck, Donald Trump could probably BUY some piddly little socialist country like Denmark.

Number 6:  we are the only developed country that continues to use the time-hallowed English system of admittedly irrational but oh-so-comfy weights and measures.  (Didn't the French invent the metric system, for Chrissakes? Let's have none of that!)

Number 7:  we have more miles (or even kilometers, if you insist) of decaying roads than any other country on the face of the earth. That's a lot of crumbling concrete, dudes. Think about it.  More ruins than even ancient Rome.

Number 8:  we are fatter/more obese than the people of any other country. According to the CDC, fully 34% of us are overweight.  In other words, we're SuperSized and you don't want to mess with us.

Number 9:  per capita, we consume more of the earth's resources than the citizens of any other country.   Also more Big Macs. 

Number 10:  our armed forces have the weaponry to kill more people more efficiently than any other army on the planet.  And we have an aircraft carrier called the USS Ronald Reagan which was built for this express purpose. 

Number 11:  we have Fox News for "fair and balanced" truth-telling.

Number 12:  we have Rush Limbaugh for culture and fine art.

Clearly, then, American exceptionalism is an indisputable truth.  There is just no way that we can be compared, as Barry Obama did in a press conference, to the effete British or the pederastic Greeks. Listen to his fatuous drivel:

"I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect that the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism."

C'mon!  What in hell did the British or the Greeks ever do for anybody? What "exceptional" institutions or values or ideas originated in those pissy little countries?  Obama's waffling on this issue is simply unacceptable in an American president.  Next thing, he'll be telling us that the Chinese are going to become NUMBER ONE in 2019!

The Chinese!  How about that for audacity! I'm beginning to think that our president has been shanghaied--perhaps by the "pinhead conspiracy"--you know, those guys who keep wasting their breath trying to convince Americans that the earth is round.