A number of us pagan gods are quite put out with this new-fangled celebration of “Christmas.” We have nothing against the new god, Jesus, who decided to have a birthday around the same date that we have long held OUR celebrations. He seems friendly enough (though he lacks fashion sense), and at first we didn’t mind sharing the Winter Solstice with him. But, honestly, this guy’s FOLLOWERS have proved to be quite insufferable “pains in the a$$.”
These uppity parvenus dare belittle us, insisting that WE wish THEM “Merry Christmas”—while at the same time they have unabashedly stolen all of OUR beloved pagan customs and traditions to use as embellishments for THEIR drab little barnyard birthday party which, thus gussied up, they call “Christmas.” Indoor evergreen trees, holly, ivy, mistletoe, gift exchanges, burning logs, elves, fairy lights, jolly beverages, singing in the streets, flying animals pulling chariots—they’ve just snatched it all—without the slightest thanks or acknowledgment.
Enough! This is clearly an egregious and shameful example of CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. Very bad form. We old gods want the world to know that we are most seriously displeased by the disgraceful and ungodly behavior of so-called “Christians” celebrating so-called “Christmas.” Show us some respect! Make Yuletide and Saturnalia Great Again! Signed: Odin, Saturn, Yule, Sol, Mithra, et.al.
