How To Do A Coup

Look, Donald. Ya gotta stop all the legal pussyfooting—it’s just pissing off the judges, even those traitorous finks you appointed. Just yank on your big boy dictator suit and bite the bullet and cross the Rose Garden Rubicon and whip out your sharpie and sign an executive order declaring the Constitution to be unconstitutional and suspending it until Jared Kushner can get it fixed. That’s the slickest (and probably only) way for you to stay in the oval office until you pop your clogs from metastasized bone spurs. Nice sunglasses, BTW. 

P.S.: you might need a teensy bit of help from those army dudes you call losers and suckers. And why not throw a little party for the boogaloo boys—they really like you and might be willing to die for you if you serve ‘em cheeseburgers stuck with little American flags on toothpicks.

America: Know-Nothings and Nincompoops

As we try to make sense of the fact that (apparently) millions of Americans cling to a totally fantastical belief that the reality of Trump’s defeat is not the REAL reality, we should probably remember that one of our country’s foundational “freedoms” was—and remains—religious/ideological nincompoopery: a determination by diverse groups of “true believers” to believe whatever they damned well WANT to believe, in spite of what they perceive as vast, (albeit often evidence-based), “conspiracies” that insist that they (the nincompoops) are quite simply “nuts.” America is the quintessential Loony Bin—in which, periodically at least—a gang of inmates gains control. But only, of course, after vicious squabbling among the asylum’s diverse factions about which is the most “qualified” to govern by virtue of, er, superior know-nothing nincompoopery.