Reflections Upon a Road Trip from Minnesota to Florida and Back Again.
- There is always another truck up ahead.
- Beware of pickup trucks with massive dangling metal testicles.
- Obesity begins at Cracker Barrel restaurants.
- Jesus is coming back to Georgia. Soon.
- Jesus is Lord in Tennessee (and "you" know it).
- The Federal Government should "adopt a highway"--in fact, the entire Interstate system--and FIX it!
- Georgia and Tennessee have a rather alarmingly large number of place names ending in "hootchie."
- The highest point in the entire state of Illinois is probably the freeway interchange where I-39 crosses I-80.
- The "Nashville Skyline" is not worth the wait on the crumbling freeway.
- "Road Construction" means orange drums and abandoned backhoes.
- The worst road in the world is I-57 in Illinois.
- Motels have been renamed "Inns"--and $30 has been added to the price of a former "motel" room to pay for this upgrade in nomenclature.
- There are "adult superstores" in Wisconsin and Georgia, but nothing "adult" in between.
- Florida's entire GDP is dependent upon revenue earned in other states and spent in Florida.
- Some Charlestonians still refer to the Civil War as "the recent unpleasantness."
- Beware of two trucks in the fast lane trying to pass a third truck: traffic will back up for miles.
- Avoid Paducah.
- It is possible, in Georgia, to get an entire meal made of pecans.
- A bunch of casinos in Wisconsin are operated by the rather infelicitously-named "Ho-Chunk Tribe."
- Different states have different rules about advertising along interstates. Georgia is especially billboard-egregious: guns, Jesus, adult toys, pecans, spinal adjustments, self-storage, mattresses, trucks and chicken fingers appear to be the major products available in the Peachtree State.
- White tourists are welcome in Charleston. If you're black, you can visit, but you have to sell Gullah products to white tourists.
- Florida has no farms and no creatures, other than people and their pets, whose native habitat is not a swamp.
- The border between the "South" and the "North" is somewhere around Champaign-Urbana, Illinois.
- It is SO good to be back in the North.
